Self Love: Is It All Just Hype?
Self Love is a saying that gets thrown around a lot these days, evoking all kinds of feelings, no doubt. When I first stumbled upon those words it was clearly part of a marketing campaign, asking me to spend more time loving myself- hence, allowing myself more time to spend bathing with their products. More and more I saw those words in everything from marketing campaigns to individuals exclaiming how deeply their self love ran. Being completely honest, I kind of started rolling my eyes every time I saw it. I know, I know.. All the cool kids were talking about it and doing it (whatever that means). I guess part of me was annoyed that this marketing ploy had taken off and the other part of me felt like the whole concept seemed rather.. Selfish.
Selflessness in a Selfish World
It does seem to me that a lot of people in today’s world tend to put their own needs above others and quite frankly, I felt this whole concept feeds into that a lot. As a Christian (don’t worry, I’m not about to start preaching, but just to give some perspective), I feel that I’m called to be selfless, humble and looking for ways to serve others (Philippians 2:3-4, Galatians 5:13), not selfish and looking to glorify myself and my own needs. It was hard to see where self love fits into to that. Each time I saw those words though, I couldn’t help but pause and contemplate them a bit more. The more I thought about it, I started to see it in a whole new light. As a mom to two young kids I am in a season of life where I do certainly give selflessly. Oftentimes to the point of neglecting my own needs. These two little people are so completely dependent on me to meet their needs that it seems easier to put what I need on the back burner for now so that I can fully be there for them. As I thought about it more, I realized that yes, we are called to be selfless and giving to others, but we’re also called to love ourselves and appreciate what God’s given us (and that even means our own body). Love your neighbor as you love yourself.. So you love your neighbor, but are you really loving yourself? These words started to swirl around my head and then suddenly I had a very particular event come to mind.
Just weeks before my wedding, my phone rang very early one morning. I let it go to voicemail (I am not a morning person) only to have it ring again and again not long after. I groggily picked it up and heard my mom’s shaking voice telling me at just 53, my father’s had a heart attack. She drove him to the nearest hospital and after barely walking in he collapsed. A medical team then violently stabbed his arm with a needle and loaded him up to go downtown to the bigger hospital. She was instructed to follow behind. I’ll never forget asking her if he was still alive. She was quiet for a full minute and just said “I don’t know”. I rushed to the hospital and we waited on news. It was good. He had come out of surgery and apart from needing a few days in ICU, he should make a full recovery. The doctor warned how serious this was. It was no minor heart attack- had he gotten there even a minute later he’d probably be dead. We all needed to be vigilant to keep him on track and prevent another one. As relieved as I was I couldn’t help but be a little mad. You see, my father’s father and most of his uncles had died of heart attacks. Why wasn’t he taking better care of himself? He had high cholesterol, was overweight and not exercising. It’s been 7 years now, and he does take care of himself.. at times. Sometimes he doesn’t. I can’t help but feel like him not taking care of himself is like him not loving me, or my kids, or my mom and brother enough to be here for us. In other words, by loving himself and taking care of himself, he is loving all of us. That’s really not so selfish after all, right?
Which brings me back to the two little people I constantly put ahead of myself. I need to be taking better care of myself. If not for my own selfish needs, then for them. I need to prioritize getting more sleep, exercising, spending time taking care of my spiritual needs. All the things I push to the side, thinking that I should be doing for them or others instead.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
The other side of the coin comes down to how I view myself. As cliché as it sounds, comparison really is the thief of joy. While I’m not one to sit around comparing myself to every beautiful woman out there, I have to admit that I’m afraid to be compared to beautiful women by others. I just turned 34 a few weeks ago and being honest, that sounds sooooo incredibly old to me. I remember being in my early 20’s and meeting someone that age and thinking how much older they were. Like they were a real adult (aka: super old). One advantage of being my age is that I’m very comfortable in my skin now. Little things that used to bother me as a teen or young adult seem to be like an old friend now. The shape of my nose, the slight widow’s peak of my hairline. What I don’t welcome with open arms is the burgeoning crows feet and slight lines that have have occurred over the last year. I also resent the under eye bags that have seemingly made a permanent residence since having kids. If you follow me on social media, you may have noticed how camera shy I am. I don’t even have a profile picture on some accounts. Truthfully, I am ok with my looks, especially meeting someone in person. I just don’t want to post a selfie that might show before or after the selfie of a gorgeous 22 year old in your feed. I’m not comparing myself you see, but I’m certainly scared of you comparing me to others. But that’s not really loving myself either, is it?
So I feel like I need to make a commitment to myself. I’m going to love myself enough to prioritize my own needs like getting enough sleep, even when that means I’m skipping out on doing something for someone else. I’m going to love myself enough to post a picture of myself without feeling self-conscious of other peoples’ perceptions. I’m not saying I’m going to post daily selfies (let’s not get crazy here), but I think I owe it to myself and my reader’s to be more comfortable with myself and show my mug more often. Perhaps it seems like I’m embracing this whole self love movement. Maybe. Let’s just say, if loving myself helps me give my best self to others, then I’m onboard.
I completely agree. We can only pour out of a full pitcher, right? Getting enough sleep, eating good food and reading good books or watching enjoyable TV in our downtime all fortify us and enable us to serve those around us. Plus, it sets a good example for those little people watching.
Love this! Self love doesn’t have to be selfish. Taking care of yourself as a mom has to be a priority because if you don’t take care of yourself then who will? As for not taking selfies of yourself because you may not love everything about yourself at the moment… My take: Nearing age 42, I’ve learned to “let it go”. I’ll never be a supermodel but I wouldn’t want to be. I am me and this is what you are going to get. This is part of loving yourself and teaching my daughter to love herself. Also sharing how a product works on a real woman helps everywoman. Flaws and all. No one is perfect not even that 20 year old in your feed. To be honest I want more 30, 40, 50+ somethings in my feed. Bring it on.
Thanks so much for sharing Molly. Self love *has* become a big old marketing tool but as you say ultimately the real sentiment is a wonderful thing. Your feelings about your father perfectly articulate how I felt about a close family member not taking care of themselves and it’s hard to watch because it’s something they have to do themselves. Please selfie away as Paula says I would love to see more faces. I was a complete selfie refusnik for years but this year I’ve forced myself and the older and uglier I’ve got haha the better I’ve felt about myself. Whereas before I didn’t want to be seen unless I was perfect (which is never gonna happen) I can now live with my “flaws”. Who the hell am I to be waiting until I’m perfect before doing something! You are gorgeous now and you were the gorgeous 22 year old too.
Molly – you are so beautiful! Thank you for sharing and being inspirational to all women. Jesus loves you no matter what you look like how you age…. Chose you to raise those specific children as selflessly as you are. He is worthy of your appreciation of your entire self (his design). Thanks for sharing your heart!!!
Molly, this is a great post! As a Christian woman I to used to roll my eyes at the term “self love” especially when we are called to “die to ourselves”. However, our bodies are the temple of God (1Cor5:19) and I think it’s imperative that we ” love our self” and take great care in keeping our bodies healthy with proper rest, exercise, healthy food etc. The better I take care of myself the better mom & wife I can be! And as a mom of three beautiful children I am passing down the habits of showing them how important it is to take care of themselves by what goes into their bodies, what products go into their skin, the importance of proper rest, organic food choices, etc etc. So girl, give me that Epsom salt bath with essential oils, that organic red wine, and my beloved Mermaid Mask and I’ll be a more rejuvenated wife and mom!!! XXO
Really enjoyed your thoughts on this! 🙂
Thanks Jessa xoxo
Chrissy,
Thank you so much for commenting and for your thoughts on this. I completely agree! And yes to the epsom bath, mermaid mask and organic wine!! Bring it on 🙂
Thank you so much Janny! I appreciate your encouragement so much. Those are great things to focus on and very wise words!
Lynda,
I can’t thank you enough for your comment. I certainly feel the same way about the whole self-love thing and also about waiting until I’m “perfect” to post a selfie. That day will never come. My hair/makeup/skin will never be good enough for my perfectionist tendencies. I admire your embracing who you are and caring less about what others think. I have seen a few photos of you and I think you’re gorgeous by the way!
Paula,
When I woke up, your’s was the first comment I read and it just made me smile. You are so right on all of those counts and especially when it comes to setting a good example for our daughters. (and having a 2 year old girl, I totally sang Let It Go in my head when I read that). I will try to bring on more selfies 🙂
Annette,
Thank you so much for reading and for your thoughts. I think you put it perfectly- we can only pour out of a full pitcher. I’ve been leaving mine half full for quite sometime. It’s a work in progress but I want to be able to give myself some time to myself without feeling guilty. xoxo
Wow, I love this so much! You are such an inspiration. What an incredible mom Annabelle has to look up too. I feel like there’s so much freedom that comes in being comfortable in your own skin. So grateful we’re friends-even though I wished we lived closer! ???
34? Really, wouldn’t have guessed it! This is beautiful Molly, and I’m so sorry to hear what your family and your dad went through, I’m so glad his doing better! I find that being comfortable in your own skin is a form
Of self love. This generation is lacking that hugely and it’s such a relief when you finally get to that point. It doesn’t matter that we are compared to others, society strives on that, but in our homes, in our lives, we are who we are and loved for our authenticity. Selfless is more self care. Care enough for yourself and your health 🙂
As a Christian, I completely and entirely agree. As a mom of a three year old, I started out pretty well balanced taking care of myself (I had a milk supply to keep up!) and received a lot of counsel from other, older women in faith, warning me of giving too much to my family and others, and not taking care of myself enough to give. You cannot fill a cup when your pitcher is empty. Just like you cannot give your family love if you are spiritually starved. I cannot express enough thanks for these women and I sure hope that new moms find this post and your blog! Blessings.
Ashlynn,
Thank you so much for reading. That is some wise advice that you heard at just the right time. It’s always hard to find that balance, but I agree- you can only pour from a full pitcher. xx
Thanks so much Rowie! It was a tough time for us, but ultimately I learned so much from that situation. I agree with everything you’re saying too. What matters most is our hearts and being truly authentic. Thanks so much for reading! xx
Suzi, Thank you so much for your kind words! I agree that it is so freeing to be comfortable with who we are and I also wished we lived closer!! I’d love for you to get in on some of the scopes I do with Sammie :).
Molly, this post is such a genuine look at self-love. That’s what makes it so refreshing. I love how you reached your own understanding with what it means and a comfort zone with the selfie (I’m not there yet!). Thank you so much for giving a glimpse into your process and for sharing your perspective. Your selfies are so gorgeous. I can’t wait to see more of you and your beautiful family in photos. XOXO
P.S. I told you that I bookmarked this post to comment on it and I did!
Thank you Sarita! Thank you so much for reading and for coming back to comment. I always appreciate how much you support the other bloggers in the community. I always learn so much from you! xoxo
Girl you’re downright gorgeous! Crazy how the most beautiful people are self conscious and others who are not as beautiful have so much confidence and post selfies every day lol… But self love should not be about our looks anyways, as you mentioned its appreciating what god gave us – it should be about whats inside us – loving our soul inside. Posting selfies always seems so vain and superficial to me when I do it..and not what self- love is really about..